I don't know a soul that don't have a skeleton in the closet so to speak. Some worse than others? Is there such a thing? I mean really, where do we draw the line? I am certainly not any different than anyone else.
I think sometimes that my problems are worse than others. But actually problems are problems and we need to deal with them, however it comes. I have been reading extensively this past weekend and have read the seven penitent Psalms about 25 times in the past 36 hours. I get something new every time I read them. For those of you who would like to know them they are Psalms 6, 32, 38, 51, 102, 130, 143. They have been very enlightening.
In my reading and study I also have jumped over to Paul's writings. Paul asked the Lord to relieve him of a thorn in his side that he was so tired of fighting. Well, you know, I may have added that part. I'm not sure how tired of it he was, but I am relating this to me and I am very tired of the thorn in my side. I want it gone and I have prayed for years for the Lord to just take it away. Well, it wasn't until yesterday that I noticed that that was exactly what Paul was asking the Lord to do, to take away the thorn in his side.
"No" was the Lord's answer. Why would the Lord tell Paul "no"? To make him a stronger man, he was told. Here I have been getting weaker and weaker as I asked the Lord to remove this thorn in my side and all along I realize now that I am down, down on the ground and on my knees that God is not going to take it away. It is there for a reason, and that reason is to humble me and make me a stronger person. So, now I see that God wants me to have this "problem" and that he wants me to use it in my life to help others. I can't get any lower, and it took this to wake me up.
I pray Lord that whatever happens in my life from this day forward, that you will use me to further your kingdom. I know that my thorn is there for a reason now and that I have to learn to control it and use it to keep me humble. These things are not given to us to torment us, they are given to us to see how we will respond to them. Will we be overcome by the evil one or will we learn to overcome these issues and while "still there" let them help us to be better and stronger Christians.
I have never thanked the Lord for my trials. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but today I will praise God for my trials and the strength that it has given me. God is on my side and even with a thorn in my side, I am a better man for it. Thank you Father for my trials and forgive me for giving in to the sinful nature of the thorn in my side.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Will You Shake On It?
Let's shake on it.
Have you ever been there? I mean is my word not enough? It's so common to say "Yes, I'll do that" and then do you really have to? I mean, really, if you don't shake on it or "promise" is it really binding? Today I had to shake on something. It was like, "really" ? I have to shake on it? And then I got to thinking....yes I do have to... it's just really not binding until you do something to "seal the deal". I really don't ever remember not following through with my word on anything, but I do think I remember saying at one time or another that ....well....it's not really binding, after all, I didn't shake on it or I didn't promise. Have you ever backed out on something because you didn't "promise"?
This got me to thinking. On my word I said that I would follow Christ, I stood in front of a lot of people and said that I believed that Jesus Christ was the Son of the Living God. I said that I would follow him and stay true to him till my dying day. Was that enough? Is it just enough to say that you will? I propose that it is not. We have to "shake" on it. We have to "Promise" on it. We have to be baptized and "seal" the deal. This really puts the seal on the whole event.
Now, I know that nothing that I have said here is scriptural. There are enough scriptures in the Bible to explain baptism and why it is so important and necessary. But, sometimes a "human" or "worldly" approach just helps us understand a little better.
I just have a harder time breaking my word when I've promised or "shook" on it.
Have you ever been there? I mean is my word not enough? It's so common to say "Yes, I'll do that" and then do you really have to? I mean, really, if you don't shake on it or "promise" is it really binding? Today I had to shake on something. It was like, "really" ? I have to shake on it? And then I got to thinking....yes I do have to... it's just really not binding until you do something to "seal the deal". I really don't ever remember not following through with my word on anything, but I do think I remember saying at one time or another that ....well....it's not really binding, after all, I didn't shake on it or I didn't promise. Have you ever backed out on something because you didn't "promise"?
This got me to thinking. On my word I said that I would follow Christ, I stood in front of a lot of people and said that I believed that Jesus Christ was the Son of the Living God. I said that I would follow him and stay true to him till my dying day. Was that enough? Is it just enough to say that you will? I propose that it is not. We have to "shake" on it. We have to "Promise" on it. We have to be baptized and "seal" the deal. This really puts the seal on the whole event.
Now, I know that nothing that I have said here is scriptural. There are enough scriptures in the Bible to explain baptism and why it is so important and necessary. But, sometimes a "human" or "worldly" approach just helps us understand a little better.
I just have a harder time breaking my word when I've promised or "shook" on it.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
About Daddy
I may need to first explain "Daddy". I've been asked many times by friends as I was growing up why I still call him Daddy. That sounds so childish. When I write it down, it does sound very elementary. However, when I say Daddy to his face, it's the most appropriate for me. I think it is just a "me" thing. I have always called my Daddy that. I've wondered, what is the definition of a "Daddy"?
He is loving, kind, hard-working, always there when you need him. He rules with an iron hand, but is as tender as needed when the time comes. He tells it like it is. He's not just a father to me, he's not just a dad to me. He is my Daddy. And that is special.
He had no problem saying to me "I love you son". I've heard him tell my siblings the same thing. He loves us all. A Daddy loves all of his children equally. It's not possible for a Daddy to love one child more than another. His main goal in this world was to raise his family as loving Christians. To provide for them as best he can, and see them to adulthood. And then....love them and be there for them when they needed him.
It's time to let God have him back. His plan appears to be that we can make it without him now. I don't understand that plan. It's not my place to question it. Our Father in heaven can see the master plan, the complete picture, and this is where I have to just believe, live my life as taught to me by my Daddy, and watch the plan unfold.
This blog was started as a place for me to place my thoughts on paper. I began quite a while back and have let it just sit. I never thought I'd be writing about the pending passing of my Daddy. This is just too much...too much. I know from my reading and studying that the good Lord will not put more on us than we can bear. And that is my safety net.
I have learned through this entire ordeal so far that I have not been supportive nor sorrowful enough for people, friends and relatives, who have lost loved ones. Oh My Goodness!!!! How did I not know that it hurts so much!!!!! I am so sorry for you who have already lost a loved one. So, so, sorry. This really hurts my heart so much.
I'm sure I'll write more later, I've just got to get some of this out and on paper. Thanks for carrying me through this. I have an entire host of family going through this with me. It's not all about me, this time. haha. I know that we are all hurting so much. We are here for each other and we'll get through this. My Mother says this is a "win-win" situation, and I'm doing my best to adopt her attitude. Thank you Mother, I love you.
He is loving, kind, hard-working, always there when you need him. He rules with an iron hand, but is as tender as needed when the time comes. He tells it like it is. He's not just a father to me, he's not just a dad to me. He is my Daddy. And that is special.
He had no problem saying to me "I love you son". I've heard him tell my siblings the same thing. He loves us all. A Daddy loves all of his children equally. It's not possible for a Daddy to love one child more than another. His main goal in this world was to raise his family as loving Christians. To provide for them as best he can, and see them to adulthood. And then....love them and be there for them when they needed him.
It's time to let God have him back. His plan appears to be that we can make it without him now. I don't understand that plan. It's not my place to question it. Our Father in heaven can see the master plan, the complete picture, and this is where I have to just believe, live my life as taught to me by my Daddy, and watch the plan unfold.
This blog was started as a place for me to place my thoughts on paper. I began quite a while back and have let it just sit. I never thought I'd be writing about the pending passing of my Daddy. This is just too much...too much. I know from my reading and studying that the good Lord will not put more on us than we can bear. And that is my safety net.
I have learned through this entire ordeal so far that I have not been supportive nor sorrowful enough for people, friends and relatives, who have lost loved ones. Oh My Goodness!!!! How did I not know that it hurts so much!!!!! I am so sorry for you who have already lost a loved one. So, so, sorry. This really hurts my heart so much.
I'm sure I'll write more later, I've just got to get some of this out and on paper. Thanks for carrying me through this. I have an entire host of family going through this with me. It's not all about me, this time. haha. I know that we are all hurting so much. We are here for each other and we'll get through this. My Mother says this is a "win-win" situation, and I'm doing my best to adopt her attitude. Thank you Mother, I love you.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Just Me and My Thoughts
I would like to just ramble if I may. I've been wondering what makes us think we are immune to some things? I will never do that. That won't happen to me. Things like that.
I once told my Mother that I always felt that if I thought about something, then it wouldn't happen. Like, if I thought about my being adopted then it would never be true. Well, that worked. She assures me that I am not adopted. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) You know what I mean, what makes me feel that things won't happen to me?
This thing with Daddy getting cancer, I immediately thought, wow, I just didn't think that would happen to me. Why not? Why am I special? I should have things happen to me just like anyone else.
There are no answers to this blog. Sometimes I just ramble and honestly if you want to stop right now and go on to something else, I'd understand, because there is nothing in this blog that will answer a question.
I'm not asking, "God why me, why me?" I'm wondering where I got the idea that something like this wouldn't happen. I guess we just can't go around in constant fear that something may happen, so we just don't dwell on it.
Let me explain right away that I am not writing off my dad. He is a fighter, he will fight this thing and he has already said that he will beat the unbeatable. I am with him one hundred percent.
What I'm saying is that I am beating myself up for not being ready for this, or something like this. My mom is a warrior and she and dad both have great attitudes about this.
I am really ready to fight.
But I'm gonna have weepy days like today.
Several times someone asked me today, "How are you"?
Well, I'm not well, that's for sure. I'm weepy like a little girl.
I'm not happy. My Daddy's in pain and I don't like it one bit!!!!
However, on another note.
I have an entire host of family and friends praying for Him.
It's a wonderful feeling. They are praying in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alaska, California, Louisiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Iowa, Kansas, and if I didn't mention your state and your are praying, well, forgive me. Those are just the ones that I can think of. Wow what a response it has been from all over, people pouring in the encouragement and prayers.
Thanks so much and I just want to say that my attitude has changed tremendously about this entire ordeal that we are about to go through.
I'm still weepy...looks like that's just the way it's gonna be.
I love you all
I once told my Mother that I always felt that if I thought about something, then it wouldn't happen. Like, if I thought about my being adopted then it would never be true. Well, that worked. She assures me that I am not adopted. (Not that there's anything wrong with that) You know what I mean, what makes me feel that things won't happen to me?
This thing with Daddy getting cancer, I immediately thought, wow, I just didn't think that would happen to me. Why not? Why am I special? I should have things happen to me just like anyone else.
There are no answers to this blog. Sometimes I just ramble and honestly if you want to stop right now and go on to something else, I'd understand, because there is nothing in this blog that will answer a question.
I'm not asking, "God why me, why me?" I'm wondering where I got the idea that something like this wouldn't happen. I guess we just can't go around in constant fear that something may happen, so we just don't dwell on it.
Let me explain right away that I am not writing off my dad. He is a fighter, he will fight this thing and he has already said that he will beat the unbeatable. I am with him one hundred percent.
What I'm saying is that I am beating myself up for not being ready for this, or something like this. My mom is a warrior and she and dad both have great attitudes about this.
I am really ready to fight.
But I'm gonna have weepy days like today.
Several times someone asked me today, "How are you"?
Well, I'm not well, that's for sure. I'm weepy like a little girl.
I'm not happy. My Daddy's in pain and I don't like it one bit!!!!
However, on another note.
I have an entire host of family and friends praying for Him.
It's a wonderful feeling. They are praying in Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas, Alaska, California, Louisiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Iowa, Kansas, and if I didn't mention your state and your are praying, well, forgive me. Those are just the ones that I can think of. Wow what a response it has been from all over, people pouring in the encouragement and prayers.
Thanks so much and I just want to say that my attitude has changed tremendously about this entire ordeal that we are about to go through.
I'm still weepy...looks like that's just the way it's gonna be.
I love you all
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
New Year New Me
So, it's a new year. I want to start out by saying happy new year to all of you out there in "blogworld". My motto this years is "A New Year - A New Me".
What does this mean? I intend to write more, read more, work harder, call more, visit more, exercise more, and EAT LESS!!!
This will result in a new me.
For starters, I received a new Bible from the Church when I graduated from ACU this past month. This is a Bible that I have been wanting for a long time. I know, I've always said that I wouldn't ever want a knew Bible because I write in my Bible and I'd have to start all over on notes. However, this Bible is an Archeological Bible and the coolest ever. So, since I broke my "law" and got this new Bible, I will just have to transfer everything over. And that is just exactly what I have started doing, page by page, I am transferring all of the notes over to my new Bible. Quite a task, but doable.
I want to just say that I am committed to this blog and recording my year, here so that I can recount what has gone on during the year.
The first Big event of the year started out with Emily's wedding. Britany and I went to Decatur without our spouses because they had to work. It was a great occasion and we got to witness a beautiful wedding.
I'll have more as the month progresses, but right now, it's late and I've got to get some shut-eye.
adios!!!
What does this mean? I intend to write more, read more, work harder, call more, visit more, exercise more, and EAT LESS!!!
This will result in a new me.
For starters, I received a new Bible from the Church when I graduated from ACU this past month. This is a Bible that I have been wanting for a long time. I know, I've always said that I wouldn't ever want a knew Bible because I write in my Bible and I'd have to start all over on notes. However, this Bible is an Archeological Bible and the coolest ever. So, since I broke my "law" and got this new Bible, I will just have to transfer everything over. And that is just exactly what I have started doing, page by page, I am transferring all of the notes over to my new Bible. Quite a task, but doable.
I want to just say that I am committed to this blog and recording my year, here so that I can recount what has gone on during the year.
The first Big event of the year started out with Emily's wedding. Britany and I went to Decatur without our spouses because they had to work. It was a great occasion and we got to witness a beautiful wedding.
I'll have more as the month progresses, but right now, it's late and I've got to get some shut-eye.
adios!!!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Sometimes I don't want to see Jesus
I just want to write. Sometimes I catch myself just wanting to write. Then how come I can't seem to make myself write my paper that is due Monday? Here's what I have been thinking.
Jenny has been away to Arkansas for the past couple of days. When someone is missing in your life your really get to missing them. You know, that first few hours or possibly day, you really don't miss them. Then the hours and days just drag and drag on and on. Oh my goodness, just shoot me! Well, to say the least, I really am missing her and wish she were here. But, she isn't and that is that. She'll be home tomorrow. I can't wait to see her face!!!
We sing songs about longing to see Jesus face to face. You know, I don't know how much I really want that. Am I just crazy or what? I long to go to heaven. I long to live my life without any pain, misery, unhappiness. But, to see God or Jesus, ooohh, my goodness. It's like seeing your Dad after you've broken the window, or gotten a speeding ticket or wrecked the car. You know you have to face him, but you don't want to. I want to see Him, but I don't want to go through all of the guilt I will feel when I see him.
Grace is what I need to focus on. Grace and forgiveness. I know that all will be well, and I can try, try, try to do the right things while I am here on the earth. My goal is to get to heaven and take as many with me as possible. But along the way, I know that I have faltered and strayed off the path and I know that I have disappointed my Father in heaven. I need to concentrate on the forgiveness that he affords me and the grace that abounds in Him.
So, here I go again. I am going to strive to live the life that God would want me to live. I want to do right by Him and let my light shine. These are just some thoughts that are going through my head right now. That is after all what this Blog is all about. Writing down my thoughts and keeping a journal of my daily thoughts. Thanks for taking the journey with me.
Jenny has been away to Arkansas for the past couple of days. When someone is missing in your life your really get to missing them. You know, that first few hours or possibly day, you really don't miss them. Then the hours and days just drag and drag on and on. Oh my goodness, just shoot me! Well, to say the least, I really am missing her and wish she were here. But, she isn't and that is that. She'll be home tomorrow. I can't wait to see her face!!!
We sing songs about longing to see Jesus face to face. You know, I don't know how much I really want that. Am I just crazy or what? I long to go to heaven. I long to live my life without any pain, misery, unhappiness. But, to see God or Jesus, ooohh, my goodness. It's like seeing your Dad after you've broken the window, or gotten a speeding ticket or wrecked the car. You know you have to face him, but you don't want to. I want to see Him, but I don't want to go through all of the guilt I will feel when I see him.
Grace is what I need to focus on. Grace and forgiveness. I know that all will be well, and I can try, try, try to do the right things while I am here on the earth. My goal is to get to heaven and take as many with me as possible. But along the way, I know that I have faltered and strayed off the path and I know that I have disappointed my Father in heaven. I need to concentrate on the forgiveness that he affords me and the grace that abounds in Him.
So, here I go again. I am going to strive to live the life that God would want me to live. I want to do right by Him and let my light shine. These are just some thoughts that are going through my head right now. That is after all what this Blog is all about. Writing down my thoughts and keeping a journal of my daily thoughts. Thanks for taking the journey with me.
Now that's better
I heard Obama making a speech and I don't even know why he was speaking but he was being asked what kind of puppy would be coming with them to the White House. Something about it had to be a dog that would not interfere with their allergies and would have to be from a shelter, you know, a rescue dog. Then he commenced to say that it would probably be a MUTT. After all, he said, "I'm a MUTT".
Okay AMERICA!!! He finally admitted that he is not just African American!!!!
Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. I want to say one more thing about our new President Elect. I honestly believe that he will do a good job. At least he will work at trying to do a good job. Unlike the current President, which I voted for and have a picture of him shaking my hand on my bulletin board at work, he hasn't had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He has had to work for it. He rose from the bottom to the top with no celebrity or wealthy parents behind him ie. the Bushes the Kennedys and the like. So, it will be a great adventure to see what happens. I can imagine him making a statement like my Dad always says like "We're gonna do it, even if it's wrong". So, it's now a wait and watch game I guess.
I will write later about more thoughts, but right now I have to leave and get some other things done. Then of course there's that paper that must get written hanging over my head. Oh, well, it's not due until Monday. I have a whole 'nother day to go!!!!
have a good day
God Bless
Okay AMERICA!!! He finally admitted that he is not just African American!!!!
Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. I want to say one more thing about our new President Elect. I honestly believe that he will do a good job. At least he will work at trying to do a good job. Unlike the current President, which I voted for and have a picture of him shaking my hand on my bulletin board at work, he hasn't had everything handed to him on a silver platter. He has had to work for it. He rose from the bottom to the top with no celebrity or wealthy parents behind him ie. the Bushes the Kennedys and the like. So, it will be a great adventure to see what happens. I can imagine him making a statement like my Dad always says like "We're gonna do it, even if it's wrong". So, it's now a wait and watch game I guess.
I will write later about more thoughts, but right now I have to leave and get some other things done. Then of course there's that paper that must get written hanging over my head. Oh, well, it's not due until Monday. I have a whole 'nother day to go!!!!
have a good day
God Bless
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